


Paramour

by Anonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Canon Compliant, Immoral Behavior, Kinks, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Secret Relationship, TopLevi too, Topping from the Bottom, erring on the side of caution with these tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:53:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There would be time to consider the consequences later.  It was only the first night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> About 100 years ago I received an anon prompt on tumblr - _Levi and Eren trying to keep their relationship a secret in canonverse._
> 
> Be aware this story takes place alongside canon events. Levi and Eren's canon dynamic is not altered. Levi does numerous things in this story that may be perceived as irresponsible, immoral, or even creepy. Although I feel this should go without saying, please do not interpret this story as any sort of how-to guide. Secret relationships are not healthy.
> 
> This is probably not at all what the anon had in mind.

Things escalated quickly. 

Eren found himself inside Levi's bedroom for the first time only nine days after arriving at the castle. His Captain scribbled in rough scrawl across seemingly endless stacks of papers while Eren sat in front of his immaculately polished solid oak desk, awkward and uncomfortable in the stiff chair. The rest of the squad had been generously released for the evening, taking the trek into the town a few miles out. 

Eren, however, was left under Levi's direct supervision for the duration of the evening since he was still viewed as both a liability and a danger. He'd become used to those things. Even Eren understood the trepidation others felt from his mysterious powers. 

But that night marked the first time he'd been alone with Levi since the trial and he'd been dreading it all day. The situation hadn't improved when he attempted - and failed - to initiate small talk. They both just sat in silence, Levi diligently working on his reports and Eren seated across from him.

Eren tried to be patient. He tried to calm the desperate pound of his heart but it always beat too loud beneath Levi's stark silence. Eren's only company was the sound of ink scraping across the parchment and the flutter of leaves outside Levi's window. Eren scanned the room over and over again, memorizing the details, despite sensing it was probably rude. His eyes roamed toward Levi's bed shoved in the back corner of the room. It was a small, standard military issued cot with non-standard plush rouge-colored bedding that lay meticulously folded and untouched on the white mattress. Levi's room had a generally strange aesthetic, filled with an odd mix of rustic simplicity and rich luxury. Levi didn't appear to own much, but what he did have looked expensive enough that Eren was afraid to even touch anything.

His gaze eventually roamed back toward Levi a few feet away. He watched Levi's hands as he worked, studying the way his slim fingers gripped the ink quill and moved delicately across the paper. It was hypnotic in a way, bringing his focus back and forth. For the hundredth time, Eren stared at the backside of the ceramic picture frame poised alone atop Levi's desk, wondering whose picture it was. It gave him a nagging sense that he was intruding, seeing something he wasn't supposed to see.

"You're getting along with the squad." 

Eren bit his lip, pulling his attention back to give Levi a subtle nod. Though Levi had barely spoken to him since he officially joined the squad, Eren quickly learned that Levi had a habit of asking questions that didn't sound anything like questions. He also had an annoying habit of speaking suddenly and without warning when there was nothing to otherwise warrant a conversation. It never failed to make Eren's teeth grind. 

"I am, sir." 

"You're bored." Levi didn't even look up.

Eren frowned, shuffling his feet on the stone floor. Of course he was bored. Sitting still and watching someone work wasn't how anyone liked to spend their free time. But it didn't seem polite to say that to his superior officer. "I'm just a little tired, sir."

Levi hummed but offered nothing else. The room went quiet again, Levi resumed his work, and Eren stifled a groan. A sliver of aggravation was bubbling up in his throat and he fought to keep his temper in check. It would do him no good to mouth off to Levi and that was something he figured that out the moment they first met. Eren may not have been a natural genius, not like Mikasa, but he wasn't stupid either. He knew how to sense the tone and it was obvious Levi wouldn't put up with any insubordination. 

So instead of balling his hands into fists, Eren took a deep breath and let his arms fall to his sides as he leaned back in the wooden chair Levi had given him. The crack of purple-pink light filtering through the window told him it was just nearing nightfall which meant official curfew was closing in. He was desperate to be given permission to retreat to his quarters despite how much he hated that dank basement. Solitude was just as silent but Eren longed for the privacy of his bed. 

He'd been dreaming often since arriving at the castle, and not unpleasantly. He chalked it up to his loneliness, having gone from sleeping in a dorm with thirty other boisterous teenagers to silent stone and brick walls that were two whole floors below the nearest warm body. His mind created companionship out of necessity. This much was easy to understand, even without input from his wiser friends.

What he didn't understand was why it was always Levi that came to him in his sleep. 

The first time had been the very first night. He'd fallen asleep with ease after the two day trek from Stohess. The rural edges of Wall Rose was deceptively peaceful and it lulled him quickly. He dreamed of Levi's hands in his hair and thighs nestled between his legs. He'd dreamed that Levi kissed him, wet tongue tracing down the tender slope of his neck. 

He'd woken with a start, aroused and frightened. Embarrassed. Levi would surely hate him for such a thing.

For days after his face got red every time Levi walked in the room and Eren had exhausted every excuse to avoid his presence quite quickly. If Levi suspected, he'd said nothing. Someone like him must be used to stupid things like that.

But erotic dreams about men were a new experience for Eren. It wasn't that the idea of being with a man was strange for him - he and Armin had touched each other when they were younger much for curiosity's sake - but it wasn't something he ever craved. At times he'd wondered if this misplaced attraction to his superior was somehow an effect of his shifting powers and he'd gone so far as to consider mentioning it to Major Hange. The thought had left as soon as it came but Eren was still at a loss. 

The debauchery of his fantasies grew even more worrisome. The Levi from his dreams was always rough with him; he bruised Eren's thighs, grazed his skin with teeth, and maneuvered him into all the positions he wanted. In his dreams, Eren let him do all those things and it always felt so close to real. He would occasionally confuse the two versions of Levi, think he was looking at the Levi from his dreams. It was an unwelcome and terrifying distraction in a time when Eren shouldn't have worried about anything other than his mission. 

"Your face ain't healed," Levi interjected again, breaking Eren's reverie.

Eren's hand flew up to his cheek, feeling the scrape along his jaw. He'd cut himself on a low hanging branch that morning while helping Oluo gather firewood. It wasn't a big deal. "No, sir. The small injuries don't seem to heal as fast."

Levi was still staring at him as though Eren's answer was wholly insufficient and Eren wasn't sure what else to tell him. He thought they had long since established that he didn't know any more about his powers than they did. Levi, however, had a way of making him feel like he was hiding something. Levi actually hated incomplete answers as much as he hated mold. 

After a terse silence, Levi sighed and stood. He waved his hand with impatience, beckoning Eren to do the same. Eren followed the odd instruction as Levi grabbed two vials and a handkerchief from his desk drawer. Eren swallowed as Levi walked around and approached him, looking more annoyed as each second ticked by. Eren's breath nearly stopped when Levi grabbed his jaw, tilted his face down, and held him firmly in place. Eren could do nothing but comply. 

He didn't think they'd ever been this close together and it made his heart pound. Levi smelled like expensive soap. 

"If you won't heal on your own then take care of yourself." Without another word he poured one liquid onto the handkerchief and cleaned the cut with what Eren assumed was alcohol given the sharp sting. He did his best not to squirm. 

"It's really not a big deal, sir. It's just a small cut and it'll be fine in a few days." Eren's voice was strained and anxious. Levi's calloused fingers were digging into his skin, sending strange jolts of electricity down his spine.

"If it gets infected, it damn well is a big deal. Then you'll get sick and _my ass_ is on the line. And I don't wanna be the one to explain to Erwin why your dumb ass corpse is in a body bag, already being sent back to the dimwits of the Military Police. And all because you can't be bothered to watch where you're walking."

"Oh." Eren felt a little sheepish even if Levi's explanation seemed extreme, bordering on ridiculous. He was learning Levi could be quite dramatic when things didn't go his way. 

Once clean, Levi rubbed a warming balm onto the cut, the thumb and forefinger of his other hand were a touch too tight against Eren's cheeks as he held his face still. Without thinking, Eren's eyes slipped from Levi's brow and down to his lips where he felt Levi's breath fanning across his throat. Reminiscing about those dreams had been a dumb a thing to do with the real Levi in the same room. Eren righted the indiscretion almost immediately but it was a half second too late. 

Levi was not stupid. The slight twitch of his mouth bore the finality of a nail driving into Eren's coffin. 

Time stopped while Eren contemplated his imminent demise. Levi regarded him carefully, gauging him as though he were some sort of threat. He angled Eren's jaw just slightly and looked him up and down. Under that uncomfortable stare Eren was small and helpless, uselessly shifting in place. He felt much like the rabbits he and Mikasa would gather from their family's traps in the springtime. 

People often assumed Levi was the predictable type, being so particular about how he wanted things. He liked order, schedules, and reliable plans. But Levi himself functioned in a way that only made sense to Levi. It was almost impossible to know what he wanted or what he was thinking. Because of that Eren could never respond to him with aggression. Levi rendered him docile with only the flick of his eyes. 

In that strange moment, Eren thought for a fleeting second that he understood Levi. This man had lived a life before Eren walked into it. This was someone who had loved someone. Hated someone. This was someone who didn't share his memories but guarded them like little treasures. 

Despite Levi's cold reticence, there was something there in his unnerving stare, something that Eren had seen before. It flittered in and out of his gaze, always gone as quick as it came. Eren was certain though because he could feel it. Levi looked at him like a predator eyeing his prey and Eren had seen that look before very clearly, meant only for him. He'd seen it that day in the courtroom, even before the first hit he'd landed. 

That was the very moment Eren finally understood why it was always Levi. The pieces suddenly clicked together, fitting so perfectly there was no telling how he'd missed it before. This was different and yet not. Levi had a look that made chills run down Eren's spine and heat pool in his belly. What sealed the deal was that Levi responded to him - they both spoke with intentions and actions and less with words. 

Then Levi was so close to him, each exhale filling Eren's mouth. His fingers slid from Eren's jaw, down to his neck and pressed into his pulse. The beat of his heart thrummed in his ears and his fingers twitched at his sides. It was happening before Eren could do anything to stop it, even if he wanted to. It was like the forces between them were unstoppable, rolling out of control.

This close, Levi smelled more like cinnamon. His lips were dry but feather light against Eren's skin as he leaned in. Eren's eyes fluttered closed when Levi kissed him and the fingers fell slack around his neck. 

Then Levi pulled back and it was over.

Eren opened his mouth to speak but Levi quickly turned and dismissed him. There was no visible change to his stoic face and perpetual frown, the bluntness back in his voice. Eren was faced with nothing but confusion as Levi went back behind his desk, waving Een with the flick of his hand when he didn't move.

Eren walked back to the basement in a daze. Eren didn't yet know why there was such momentum hurling him toward this man he should probably hate or why Levi was a fixed point blocking his path. But he felt the heat of Levi's breath long after he was alone in the cold depths of the castle.

He'd question things like obsession and fixation and all the consequences of those conditions much later. In those days back at the castle he was only aware of his present. The morning after that first kiss, Levi acted no different and Eren struggled to follow his lead. 

After the incident in the well, the squad started to warm up to Eren. Around the dinner table they mused about how odd it was that Eren had already started to earn their Captain's trust. But they never dwelled. 

Eren sometimes wondered if he'd only dreamed the feel of Levi's lips against his own. Then he'd catch Levi staring at him when no one else was looking. 

In the end it took a full week before Eren worked up the courage to wander back upstairs to the officer's corridor. Petra had mentioned to him that Levi was asking about him and the subtle indication of concern made Eren's chest flutter. The other squads were set to arrive in just two days so Eren steeled himself and swallowed his pride. Once the hallways were brimming with soldiers he doubted he'd have another chance.. 

He'd barely knocked before Levi called him in. Levi had him cornered the moment he stepped in the room. The confidence Eren built on his way up poured out and dissolved into thin air. He should have predicted that Levi would know exactly what he was there for the moment he arrived. He should have known Levi was waiting for him. 

There was an awkward pause as Eren pulled the door shut behind him. He wanted to ask if Levi needed anything. "Tea, water, sir?" Eren's hands were sweating. "I can keep you company tonight, if you like."

The words spilled out on their own. Eren barely even registered that he said them even though he'd been rehearsing all the way up the winding stairwell. Levi regarded him coolly, the subtle tilt of his head proving he knew exactly what Eren was offering. He looked mildly curious although generally unimpressed. Eren waited for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. 

"You think I need a brat like you to keep my bed warm?" 

Eren took a deep breath, gathering up what courage he had left. This was a test and Eren was determined to pass it. "I can help you sleep," he added, "Petra told me you have trouble sometimes."

As the words left his mouth Eren wondered if he'd gone too far, if he'd said too much that was too personal... but Levi smirked at him. 

"You've got guts," he said, his eyes a shade brighter than usual. There was a quiet pause before Levi stood up and walked toward him, slowly. Eren backed against the door, confidence shaken once again. 

Even on that first night, it occurred to Eren that they might get in trouble for this. He didn't actually know what the rules were. He sensed Levi's hesitance which had to be rooted in something. For someone with an aura that demanded so much attention, to see Levi hold back was an obvious red flag.

But Levi was in front of him, the warmth radiating from his body at odds with the cold wooden door on his back. He pulled Eren's head down, his fingers threading through Eren's hair. "What if I'm not interested?"

This was the real test. "You are," Eren replied, making his voice reflect the sureness he felt. Levi looked very interested. 

Levi chuckled without a smile and the sound echoed in Eren's chest. Levi looked up and his eyes were hard under the slivers of his bangs. His fingertips brushed lightly over the fabric of Eren's shirt, around the edges of his harness. His voice was low. "I want to touch you."

Eren swallowed, his nervousness palpable on his tongue. Of course Levi would be so blunt, no mention he was already touching Eren as he spoke. 

"Yes, sir," Eren answered, his voice unusually tentative. He wasn't sure how this worked.

"We can't tell anyone, you know," Levi continued, his hands still feather light against Eren, "You shouldn't even be here."

Eren’s heart sped up. He sensed part of Levi still wanted to back out and he refused to allow that. He wanted nothing more than to keep Levi's hands on him. He hhis was his choice. “I want to,” he assured. His rebellious tongue was on the cusp of saying something far more idiotic, like _I like you_ or some variation thereof, so he left it alone. He was trying so hard not to sound like a child. 

Levi's lips met Eren's ear and he murmured, sounding vaguely amused, "You have no idea what you're doing."

"I do," Eren said, hoping some shred of confidence showed through his nerves. 

"You're lying," Levi answered without missing a beat. "You've never done anything like this before. You're scared." 

Eren felt like he was being mocked. Levi reached up to tilt Eren's head back down. He kissed him again, just like he had that night the week before. It was short, chaste, but filled to the brim with silent, unsaid promises. They were practically strangers. 

Eren came forward for another kiss but Levi backed away, holding Eren firmly against the door. It seemed he liked things on his terms, so Eren kept still. He let Levi kiss his jaw, run a hand under his shirt, breathe along his skin, and take his time before pulling Eren down into a proper kiss. 

A number of things happened at once. Eren became instantly aware that kissing Levi was wet - surprisingly messy - and that he could clearly taste his tea. It wasn't fast or rough like it was in his dreams. It was slow, cautious, and careful. It tested their limits and set their boundaries. Levi stayed in control but it was far from forceful. 

Then Levi cut it off too quickly, his hands migrating low on Eren's hips. "So," he purred, meeting Eren's stare. "Staying or going?"

Eren's throat was dry, "Staying."

It was that simple. Levi took a step back, subtly motioning to his bed. Eren made his way to the corner of the room in a stupor, climbing onto Levi's bed with weak knees and shaky hands. The comforter was soft and plush and Eren momentarily wondered how much money a Captain of the Survey Corps must make in order to afford it, but he didn't dare ask.

Levi was not long behind him, pensive and quiet. He placed something on his nightstand before crawling over to straddle Eren's waist. Eren sucked in a deep breath and Levi raised an eyebrow, "You're just going to fall apart the moment I touch you."

Eren tried to answer him defiantly, but Levi's hands were already on him. He would prove Levi wrong, he decided. His fingers dug into the sheets at his side and he tried to remain still, holding his breath while his lips quivered. Levi's hand brushed along his hipbone, up over his side and lightly across his ribs, pulling the hem of his tunic up as he went. Levi watched him carefully, eyes glued to Eren's face as his hands moved across his skin. Eren tried not to react. 

"Do you like this?" Levi asked, his face unchanged while he waited for Eren's answer. 

Eren swallowed around his words, " _Yes, sir_." He hated the way his voice wavered along with his shaking breath but he loved the way Levi's mouth twitched along with the uttered honorific. Eren understood Levi better day by day. 

He lowered himself to kiss Eren's neck, just below his ear. Eren shivered at his wet tongue gliding across his skin and he bit his lip to hold back the noises creeping up in his throat. Levi's mouth came back up to his ear, "Tell me if you want me to stop." 

That was the last thing he wanted. Eren let out another long breath, lost for words and his nervous fingers inched toward Levi's knees where he straddled his waist. The moment his fingertips met the fabric of Levi's jeans, Levi held his wrists still and came back down to kiss him on the lips, tongue sliding along Eren's teeth in an apology for restraining him. 

Everything Levi did was excruciatingly slow, only freeing his hands to grind against Eren's groin. One hand rubbed across Eren's chest and the other down to the waistband of Eren's pants where his thumb dipped beneath the fabric, playing with the hairs beneath Eren's navel. "Open your eyes," he said, a quiet but firm demand. 

Eren struggled to do so, relishing too deeply in the sensations of Levi's hands on his body. His jaw fell loose at the sight of his Captain bathed in candlelight, with his unreasonably controlled expression. That silhouette was stained in Eren's mind forever, leaving him breathless below and unable to avoid the sight. Eren bucked against him, trying to illicit a response and knowing shamelessly that his erection must be painfully obvious digging into Levi's backside. Yet there was only the slight twitch of his mouth. 

"You should tell me to stop," Levi said when Eren stilled below him. 

Eren shook his head in defiance and Levi finally pushed back against him. "Keep going," Eren pleaded, " _Please_ , sir."

Levi swallowed, his eyes running down Eren's body, that fleeting predatory expression morphing his face again. Eren liked it when Levi looked at him like that, he liked the way his body tingled. It was a shame he waited so long. 

Levi deftly unbuttoned Eren's jeans, his eyes showing no conflict despite his words. Eren knew that Levi wanted him. 

He remained still and watched in something akin to fascination as Levi lifted off him and silently set to work removing Eren's harness. He still went frustratingly slow, his movements accentuated in the shadows of the room. Eren impatiently dug his fingers in Levi's mattress; his cock twitched against the fabric of his underwear by the time Levi pulled his pants past his hips. 

Levi climbed back over Eren, one hand roughly unclasping the strap across his chest. "Then help me out."

Eren's hands were still shaking as he sat up and helped pull down the straps over Levi's broad shoulders. Levi was surely aware of his nervousness, could probably hear his wildly beating heart, but didn't say a word. Eren carefully opened Levi's shirt, each button one by one. Eren kept going when Levi didn't stop him. His hands trembled on their way down Levi's abdomen, knuckles brushing against taut skin, unbuttoning his belts and then his jeans. Levi's hands were threading through Eren's hair, thumb and forefinger pulling at the shell of his ear. 

Levi only pushed Eren back down on the bed when Eren reached to pull down his zipper. He tugged his pants off himself, a touch of impatience finally showing through his movements. Eren propped himself up on his elbows to watch in awe as Levi straddled him again. This time Levi's skin glistened in the candlelight, the red trails of scars imprinted on his thighs where the leathers had dug into his skin through years of use. He wanted to know how long Levi had been in the Survey Corps, wanted to know all his secrets.

Levi was as hard as he was, his cock straining against the fabric of his underwear. He was smaller than Eren but no matter. Eren held back the burning urge to touch it as Levi pulled his shirt off of his shoulders, scars visible all over his body. He wondered if Levi did this often, if he was the type to go to bed with his subordinates on a whim or if Eren was somehow special. He would always be too afraid of the answer to ever ask. 

It wasn't all hunger and thirst. Levi took Eren's hand in his and intertwined their fingers, those same slim fingers Eren liked to watch. Eren liked the way their hands fit together, enjoyed the heat on his palm, and admired Levi's slimmer fingers between his own. He liked Levi's hands. He tried to speak, tried to come up with something to say - there was so much he wanted to say in the confusion of a candlelit room with his fantasies turned to reality - but his tongue was silent.

Levi brought Eren's hand to his lips, delicately, and slipped Eren's middle and forefinger into his mouth. His eyes remained trained steady on Eren, who felt like he was crumbling beneath that man, aroused and overly scrutinized by those heavy-lidded eyes. 

But Levi's tongue was wet and his mouth hot. Eren touched the ridge of his teeth, wanting to believe he was being shown a side of Levi few others had seen. He wanted this Levi to be his and his alone so his mouth tried to move around Levi's name. He still struggled to say something useful, something worthwhile, but Levi continued to suck on his fingers and his other hand resumed tracing the space beneath Eren's navel. He couldn't say a word - just breathe in and breath out. Levi just watched him carefully and Eren's other hand fidgeted uselessly at his side, not sure what he was allowed to do. Not sure what Levi wanted him to do. 

Breathe in and breathe out. 

Levi lifted his hips and pushed his boxers down just past his hips, still rolling his tongue and his other hand pressing against the pulse in Eren's wrist. Eren outright whimpered then, embarrassingly needy, at the sight of Levi's hard cock in the shadowy light. He could only watch as Levi pulled Eren's hand from his mouth and guided it behind him. Eren's face tightened and Levi raised an eyebrow. "You can handle this."

It was another question that didn't sound like a question. "I'm not a virgin," Eren muttered, which was technically not a lie, though not a total truth. 

Either way, Levi looked unimpressed. "Good to know," he said drily. "Wasn't what I asked though."

Eren never actually considered that Levi might want to bottom but he was determined to not to let his lack of foresight show. His brow creased in concentration and he maneuvered his fingers where Levi left them, anxiously tracing around Levi's hole. He did actually have a vague idea about what he was doing, but doing it to Levi was intimidating on another level. 

"You'll say something if I'm doing it wrong," Eren quipped, and he stupidly thought Levi might smile at that. 

There was no smile and no amusement in his eyes. Eren's momentary bravado faded as quickly as it came, but there was little time to contemplate. Levi reached back to guide Eren's saliva-slick fingers all the way inside of him. It was warm, tight, and Eren wondered if it was painful as he watched Levi's brow twitch and his jaw clench. Levi seemed so calm though, much calmer than Eren felt. 

" _Slow_ , Eren," was his only direction.

Eren nodded and preceded as instructed, moving his fingers slowly and grabbing the flesh of Levi's thigh with his other hand. He watched Levi's cock twitch along with the motion, listened to his breath hitch. Levi moved forward on his knees, gave Eren an easier angle to work with, and kissed him again and again. He rolled his hips to set Eren's pace, leaned up on his elbows, and tangled his fingers in Eren's hair.

When he pulled back, he spoke firmly against Eren’s lips, his tone an obvious order. “Stay quiet.”

Eren clenched his jaw shut, just to be safe. Levi leaned over the bed to grab the bottle of oil he laid on the nightstand and scooted back to Eren's cock, being meticulous with the fluid so it didn't drip on the bed. "You're feeling okay?" he asked, the question so clear in his tone that he sounded almost unsure, for once, though his mouth remained tight.

Eren nodded, prompting a soft _yes_ when Levi just stared at him. He climbed back over Eren's waist and pushed his underwear further down his hips. Eren tried to focus on breathing and kept his hands still at his sides. He stared hungrily as Levi stroked down his own cock, rubbing off the excess oil, while he positioned Eren’s length behind him.

Eren bit into his lip, chancing a desperate glance at Levi’s face, as he sat back.

There was little question that Levi enjoyed it, the feeling of Eren buried deep inside him. It was hard to miss, the way his jaw went slack and his fingernails scraped along Eren's arms as he sat back - excruciatingly slow - on Eren's length. The long satisfied sigh that slipped between is lips was audible throughout the room. 

The inescapable truth, however, remained that what Levi really got off on was watching Eren squirm beneath him. His eyes were glued to Eren's face, studying the way Eren struggled to maintain his composure. This was becoming quickly their game, a battle of wills. Eren was glad to play along.

Levi brought his forefinger to his lips, reminding Eren. _Quiet_. 

It was strange, this conversation they were having without words. As difficult as Levi was to understand when he spoke, Eren could somehow tell exactly what he was saying with his movements. He could tell so much with his willingness to expose himself and to take from Eren. Levi was fearless. They were so different but Eren felt like they understood each other better than any of the others, though they’d known each other the least. Eren was glad he sought Levi out that night.

The struggle to stay focused worsened with Levi rolling his hips on Eren’s cock, up and down and up and down. Every time Eren tried to touch him, Levi swatted his hands away. _Not yet_ he’d say and Eren’s eyes would flutter shut, trying to concentrate. Levi would ask him to open them again. He was honestly close the moment Levi sank down on him, his walls tight and hot against Eren’s length. His muscles were tight and his lungs tired. Eren was determined to last though, still trying to prove himself while watching Levi dead in the eye. He somehow knew that was exactly what Levi was challenging him to do. 

It was startling. Levi’s hands found their way back to Eren’s chest, fingers rubbing against his nipples. Eren’s breath started coming faster, the moans harder and harder to hold in. Levi caught on quickly. “You’re not going to come yet,” he said, “Finish what you started. You’re going to fuck me until I come. You got that?”

Eren’s brow creased and he tried to glare at Levi above him. Levi’s voice sounded so even and so, so clear. Eren was determined but Levi was making it difficult on purpose. He reached behind and fondled Eren’s balls, folding his body to reach down and trace his inner thighs. His touch was feather light. Eren thrust up to meet the roll of his hips, half-ignoring the sensations to keep himself on track. Eren was panting, Levi’s breath only slightly strained. 

It couldn’t go on much longer. Eren was on the edge, eyes continually falling back to Levi’s cock, still hard and moist with pre-cum despite not being touched. And Eren wanted to touch him so badly. “Please,” he murmured, “ _Please, sir_.” 

Levi finally obliged. He tugged at Eren’s shoulder to get him to sit up and wrapped his legs around Eren’s hips, guiding Eren’s hand to wrap around his cock, balancing himself with the other arm around his shoulders. He brought his mouth against Eren’s, but didn’t quite kiss him. “I know you can keep going.”

Levi’s voice was fire under him. Eren swallowed, his body so sensitive he was barely able to sit up. He let Levi set the pace, moving Eren’s hand for him and he brought Eren’s thumb to rub over the tip. Levi was predictably precise about what he wanted. 

The room was warm and the castle slipped from this thoughts. Eren buried his face in Levi’s hair to hide his moans, no longer able to hold back, but Levi seemed to enjoy the sounds against his skin. He answered in breathy sighs and the tighter grip in Eren’s hair. He rolled his hips faster.

“I- I’m really close,” Eren warned, his strength waning. “If you don’t – if you don’t slow down –“

“A little more,” Levi answered, a touch of desperation beneath the firmness in his tone. He wasn't slowing, wasn't stopping. “I’m almost there.”

“ _Levi –_ ” 

Eren knew he couldn’t stop it; his eyes shut, his toes curled and his mouth fell open. He released inside Levi, a loud whimper cutting loose from his throat. Levi paid him little mind, just kept riding him, still guiding Eren's hand now slick with his pre-cum. 

When Eren opened his eyes again, Levi was looking at him. “Useless,” he muttered. His face might have been amused.

“S-sorry.” Eren grit out. Levi was still moving on him though Eren was going limp inside him. 

“Keep going,” Levi ordered. “You can damn well finish me off.”

Eren dug his nails into Levi's thighs, hard enough he knew he'd leave marks. Levi tightened his arm around Eren's shoulder, moved his hand faster, his cock dripping on Eren's stomach. Eren moved his free hand around Levi's legs, felt his come dripping down Levi's thighs. His body was so sensitive, still shuddering, but he also still felt aroused. He kept going, trying to thrust into Levi with his cock only half-hard. 

Levi said something about it being too wet and Eren thought they were probably leaving a mess on Levi's fancy bedding, but it didn't seem to matter. Levi was making small noises and murmuring about it being good despite being too wet. For a moment, Eren thought he might come again, though he'd never done that. He was the one who let out a satisfied groan when he felt Levi come on his belly and across his hand, warm and sticky and somehow pleasant. 

Then Levi wordlessly climbed off of him, cringing, and went straight to his bathroom to clean up. Eren fidgeted on the bed, trying not to move, until Levi returned and tossed him a towel. The room was quiet again.

Levi was looking at him oddly and Eren didn't know what proper etiquette was in this situation. "D-do I need to go now?"

Levi shook his head, his voice flat with finality. "No."

There would be time to consider the consequences later. It was only the first night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so gross.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning for homophobic attitudes, slurs and general bad language. Proceed with caution.
> 
> Also cuddling, accidental dirty talk, and mentions of other pairings. Moving right along.

Levi liked to be touched. He liked being held.

It was an urban legend of sorts that Levi craved affection. The others refused to even believe it when Eren let it slip years down the line, even though he himself wouldn't believe it if he hadn't experienced it first hand. 

Levi never asked or said anything, not even once. It wasn't that Eren expected him to but it caused such a shift in his paradigm of Levi that it felt worth discussing. Levi was simultaneously distant and starved for affection, afraid to ask and terrified to give. Eren often wondered how many people knew, about how many people had done that for him and if anyone ever dared to think less of him for it; Eren certainly did not. 

Their relationship was like glass. If Eren said too much or pushed too hard he knew without any doubt that it would shatter, especially in those early weeks. Levi was someone who liked to dictate what others thought of him and he spent a good amount of time crafting his own facade. Eren only knew what Levi deemed him worthy of knowing and even that was told under careful restraint. The story of who Levi was came bit by bit, in pieces of a puzzle Eren had to fit together by himself. It would take years after for Eren to understand how special he actually was. 

Levi communicated best in silence, his words only serving to fill some void when others were around. Eren clumsily learned how to handle him from his body language alone. A change of posture and the shift of a hip could say everything Levi's words could not and it was hard to ignore once he learned the langauge. In that regard, Levi was very direct. 

When he and Eren finished messing around he'd spend another hour or two on paperwork. It was only when the candles burned down and the room went dark that Levi crawled into the small cot and burrowed under the covers. Eren woke with the dip of the mattress, turning so Levi was pressed against his front. 

He positioned Eren's arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. He liked one of Eren's hands in his hair, the other beneath his arm and around his back. He liked to keep his head tucked just below Eren's chin where his hair tickled Eren's throat. His right leg hooked around Eren's left and his arms wrapped tight around Eren's waist as though he thought he wanted to keep him pinned there forever. If Eren dared to stopped the threading of his fingers through Levi's hair too soon, then Levi would nudge Eren's thigh with his knee hard enough to bruise. 

They stayed pressed together like that in the too-small bed night after night, lulled by the sound of insects outside and the breeze rattling the window pane. Eren always fell asleep first and for a long time he'd never once caught Levi napping. Sometimes he woke to find Levi had moved, sitting up in the bed with his hand gently combing through Eren's hair and across his forehead. He'd stop if he noticed Eren was awake and Eren became quite good at pretending to sleep. For those short few weeks in the castle, it was Eren’s favorite part. He sometimes wished it could have stayed like that longer, since it was easy to forget all the things he shouldn't forget during those short summer nights. 

When dawn approached, Levi woke Eren precisely two hours before daybreak and walked him back down to his room in the basement. Their hands sometimes touched in the silent stairwell as they walked side by side in the morning chill. It was the last contact they'd share until nightfall, and it served as an unheard promise. They did well to keep their secret and Eren was back at his door each following night. 

It was an easy routine. A predictable one. 

In the light of day, Eren's heart fluttered when Levi entered the room. His hands grew sweaty and his skin heated up, like he was a lovesick girl, or like Jean mooning after Mikasa. Levi made it look so easy, maybe because he was an adult and had control over those stupid things, or maybe because he was just Levi. 

They'd glance at each other in the hallways or occasionally over the dining table. Sometimes Levi openly stared at him when no one else was looking and Eren's face would heat up seeing that something like longing lingering behind the penitence his eyes. Those moments were rare since the space in the castle was bustling once headquarters was full of soldiers and all the new recruits. They were always still like strangers in daylight. 

As the days ticked by, Levi was around even less and checking back in his room much later. Eren worked hard to make himself look inconspicuous when he paced the officers hallway after dark, waiting for Levi's light to shine under his doorway. There were so many meetings with Erwin, Mike, and Hange, working out the final kinks of the upcoming expedition and Levi was constantly troubled. He stopped showing up for dinner at some point, but the rest of the squad were mostly kind to Eren by then. Especially Petra with her big brown eyes and gentle smile. It was nice to no longer feel so alone. 

Eren liked her. She was sweet and had the type of warm demeanor that made people feel safe. The problem was that Petra was Levi's favorite, and no one would ever convince Eren otherwise. 

There was something in the way Levi looked at her, the way his eyes softened just a bit that made Eren's stomach pinch. It was impractical to be jealous, he thought, since he was the one in Levi's bed each night. But reminding himself of that fact did little to dispel his discomfort and he still had to face that every day and know there was some part of Levi that Eren did not possess. He reasoned the bothersome part was just that everyone saw it, when they saw nothing between Levi and him. Eren wanted everyone to know Levi was his, that Levi's body was his territory, the place only he belonged. 

He swallowed that fear. He spent his free time Mikasa, Armin, and the others, which wasn't an unfair trade in the scheme of things. He worried about them and it was nice to be with them, to see their smiles in spite of everything. It helped him feel like things were normal and he knew it was too late; he couldn't change that they chose the Survey Corps any more than he could change the powers he'd been given, or the mistakes he'd made, or the ones he'd yet to make. His was always a heavy burden to carry. 

He sometimes spoke about it to Levi at night, as he fell asleep. Levi always listened. 

Eren repeatedly told himself their relationship didn't mean much, that temporary companionship was simply a fleeting gift and nothing more. Very few members of the Corp openly dated, but 'arrangements' seemed relatively common. This was just the way things worked in their line of work.

After all, Levi taught Eren the value of being rational. Someday Levi would tire of him and maybe he of Levi. One or both of them would die. Those were things that could not be stopped. Stories like theirs were not meant to have a happily ever after but Eren was never one for fairy tales. He repeated things every morning as he washed up in his underground quarters, the feel of Levi's lips still imprinted on his skin. He repeated them until the thought they were true. 

He once tried to subtly nag Hange for information about Levi, curious about how often Levi sought casual companionship, but it turned out Hange wasn’t nearly the gossip that Petra was. All he got were musings on Levi's infinite neurosis as Hange liked to call it. Hange’s raised eyebrow also told Eren he might have gone too far, let on too much with his Levi-centric curiosity, but nothing ever came of it. Hange was easily distracted and Eren was not above using his titan abilities to change the subject. 

The squad proved a little more difficult. Mikasa hated Levi back then and didn’t like it when Eren so much as said something nice about him. She didn't think Eren should have been assigned to Levi's squad in the first place and often commented that it was irresponsible of Commander Erwin to allow it after what Levi had done. She reminded Eren constantly. 

Armin was more intuitive and seemed to sense something more was off, but he never voiced anything to Eren directly and Eren was always thankful for that. But he'd look at Eren when Eren looked at Captain Levi and the look in his eyes made Eren uneasy. 

Erd commented more than once that Levi warmed up to Eren unusually fast and Gunther agreed. 

Petra often looked uncomfortable with the way she'd bite her lip when the others pointed it out. It would pass and she'd casually point out that Levi had been acting a little happier since Eren showed upand that Levi must really respect him. 

Oluo was the worst. 

On a particularly warm day, Oluo had the misfortune to catch Eren staring at Levi quite gratuitously while he was making laps, shirtless. It must have been obvious on his face because Eren was caught off guard by Oluo's vocal sound of disgust beside him. Eren tried to ignore him and returned to the pile of laundry he was sorting through. It wasn't enough. 

"Captain Levi would never be interested in a snot-nosed brat like you," he said, voice dripping with disgust. "Someone like him, he’d only go for a beautiful woman and don’t think for a minute he can’t get one. So you better keep it in your pants unless you want it cut off." 

Eren really wanted to tell Oluo a thing or two. 

Or ten. 

He was tempted to tell Oluo every single one of the things he felt privileged to know. How it felt to be inside him. The feel of Levi's grip tugging at his hair. The face Levi made when he hit an orgasm. 

For all his big talk, Oluo really didn’t seem to know too much about his Captain. 

But Levi was a private man after all so Eren held his tongue, angry as it made him. It wasn't so bad, he reasoned, having that side of Levi all to himself. He also knew Oluo wasn't wrong. None of them had reason to trust Eren and Levi no reason to be so lenient with him. When Eren looked back on those days, he felt guilty for how angry it made him. He'd never know why Levi chose him. 

The vehement defense of Levi's sexuality made more sense some days later. Eren was cleaning the dining hall with Petra after their rotation on lunch duty when one of the lower ranking squads' members wandered in. He was a lanky older soldier by the name of Galaviz, who as it turned out wouldn't be around much longer. Eren didn't know him and didn't like him from the moment he stepped through the doorway. He seemed a little too curious about Eren, the Survey Corps prize possession - in the same way as a sideshow attraction at a town festival. Eren learned the hard way that not everyone in the Survey Corps were heroes, that some just wanted the bragging rights. 

He teased Petra for a long while once he'd bored of asking Eren gratuitous questions about his abilities - none of which Eren could answer. Their conversation was background noise until Galaviz decided to go after their captain. 

"So darling, are you hoping to earn points by making nice with Levi's new pet? You think he's gonna warm up to your cunt because you make a good impression? He's probably already fucked the boy ten times over." 

Petra swung her head around so fast Eren thought her neck would snap. Galaviz laughed harder at her reaction and Eren tensed. _He didn't know, there was no way he knew._

"Come on. Everyone knows Levi's a fucking fag." he said, mocking laughter in his voice. "He's been trying to suck Erwin's dick for years." 

"Shut up!" Petra's voice was unusually shrill. "He's not like that! You don't even know what you're talking about!" 

Eren's hands clenched around the broom in his hands. He was trembling, his jaw tight and his body shaking. He had to watch his temper. A flare up in those days could land him in prison or worse, if he blew up at the wrong person. He was fortunate Petra rattled on in his place, shockingly terse with her words. She could be a little spitfire when she wanted to. 

He thought then, that must be why Levi favors her, although Eren didn't exactly like the way she fought that battle - like the thought of Levi going to bed with another man was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. He supposed he couldn't blame her, but he finished sweeping his corner of the room in silence while they continued to argue. When finished, he left the room unnoticed, his hands in fists quietly at his sides. 

There were plenty of other things whispered about Levi that Eren became innately attuned to, some flattering and some not. Some that made him jealous. Some that hit too close to home. Some he'd never dream of repeating. 

He wondered if Levi knew about the rumors. He wondered how much of it was true.

Levi wasn't exactly predictable and sex with him was never quite what Eren imagined it would be. He often thought about the series of sexual encounters he'd had back in the dorms, mostly wandering hands under bed sheets with nameless, forgotten cadets in the dark - girls with their rounded bodies and softer skin. That one exceedingly awkward incident fumbling with Armin behind a storage shed. All his past experiences were spur of the moment and the reasons and motivations forgotten soon after. 

But Levi was different in every way. He knew what he wanted, knew what he liked. He had no soft edges. 

He did have some odd habits. Sometimes he'd have Eren lie down and he'd silently trace a line across each of Eren's arms and then each of his legs, as though he was mapping out where he'd cut if he ever actually had to slice Eren out of his titan. Other times he'd trail his hand down Eren's face and around his neck, pressing thumb and forefinger firmly against his pulse, seemingly curious about how his hand fit eerily well around the curve of his throat. He enjoyed watching Eren's face, looking for any sign of fear, satisfied when there was none. Eren was never afraid. 

On the night before the 57th expedition Eren was on his knees, working between Levi's legs. Everyone had retired early, resting up for the start of the expedition and the castle was unusually quiet. Levi sat in that uncomfortable wooden chair that he'd pulled out to the middle of the room. He was shirtless and with his jeans pushed low past his hips and the room was a touch to warm, with no breeze to stir through the window. For some reason Levi didn't want Eren behind his desk. He was always weird about things like that. 

Eren glanced up at him, lips and tongue gliding along his length and Levi's fingers pushing aside Eren's bangs. He liked to watch. 

"Slower," he said, his voice hard as the stone floor. "I like it slow." 

Sometimes Levi also liked to state the obvious. 

Eren still followed his instructions, his tongue caressing the tip, slow and careful. Levi’s hand continued to trace the side of Eren’s face, down to his jawline. His other arm was slung across the back of the chair, his hungry eyes watching Eren more critically than sensually. For his own reasons, Eren liked looking up at him from that angle, especially as Levi broke their gaze and tilted his head back. The pale skin of his exposed throat glimmered, tempting in the candlelight. Eren rubbed himself through his pants - still kneeling there in full uniform, watching Levi come undone, just a little. 

"There you go," Levi muttered, running a hand through his hair. 

There was something to be said about watching Levi like that and he understood just a little why Levi always liked watching him. He swallowed around Levi's cock and hooked his fingers in the waistband of his jeans. Levi lifted his hips so Eren could finish undressing him, something Eren wouldn't have gotten away with even five days earlier. It was fun to watch how Levi was steadily grew more comfortable with Eren taking initiative. 

As it was, Levi spread his legs further apart in an obvious invitation. Eren squeezed his fingers between the crease of his ass, pressed against the chair. As his fingers teased along the edge of his hole, Eren brought his mouth down lower and planted an open-mouthed kiss to his inner thigh and then ran his tongue on his balls. Eren was initially thrown off that Levi apparently shaved. Everything. But it wasn't a bad deal. Levi always smelled freshly clean as well, like he made a point to wash himself up in preparation for Eren's visit each night. The thought was oddly endearing. 

He worked his way back to Levi's cock just as his finger slipped inside. Eren could tell Levi was already getting close by the quickness of his breath. "Do you want to come, sir?" 

" _Yes Eren._ " His reply came out sounding entirely exasperated, a tone that was almost comical in their current situation. It wasn’t sexy at all, more like Eren had just asked the single dumbest question Levi had ever heard - which was stupid because Eren was honestly inquiring. Levi usually liked to hold off and watch Eren get off before he did. Some nights that was all he wanted. 

Eren held in the snarky retort threatening the back of his throat. Tonight was different, it seemed. So Eren set back to work, trying to wipe the glare off Levi’s face but not bothering to hide the irritation showing through his own face. It didn't take long, just sucking and rolling his tongue around. Levi gripped his hair and pushed his head to the pace he wanted. He repositioned himself on the chair, rolling his hips forward, silently asking Eren to add another finger. 

Eren promptly pushed into Levi harder, twisting his fingers and looking for that bundle of nerves. Levi could be finicky some nights, particular about how Eren touched him. He learned to always be very careful, to use caution, and wait for Levi to tell him - always without words. 

His fist tightened in Eren's hair just before he came. It wasn't meant to be a warning, simply an involuntary reaction and a subtle one at that; Levi could be eerily quiet and still when he hit his peak, but it was no bother. Eren liked it because it was so inherently Levi. He twisted his fingers one last time as Levi released against the back of his throat. Eren never minded because there was something weirdly satisfying about knowing he'd devoured a part of his captain. 

He removed his fingers slowly, releasing Levi's slick cock at the same time. Levi was still stark naked, legs wide and arm still strung over the back of the chair. Eren was visibly hard against the front of his pants, waiting for Levi to make the next move. 

Levi asked Eren to stand and looped a finger under his belt, pulling him a step forward. His expression was dark and his voice sharp; it never took him very long to recover from an orgasm. "Get undressed and in my bed. Now." 

Eren easily recognized the sound of an order. He grinned, knowing their game well by then. "Yes, Captain." 

He earned himself a crooked smirk before Levi nudged him and he shuffled to the opposite side of the room to start peeling off all his layers of clothing. Boots first and then the leathers. Levi was behind him tossing the vial of oil on the bed and tugging at Eren's pants while he pulled up his shirt. He kissed along Eren's hipbone and down his outer thigh as he pushed down his jeans. His hand wedged between Eren's legs and he fell forward, hands flat on the mattress. Levi’s hesitance from their first few nights had long since faded. It was enough to make Eren forget that what they were doing was wrong. 

The fearlessness of their companionship was also a thin desperation. Everyone thought he was callous, but Levi actually carried a certain restlessness about him that never seemed quite sated. Though he liked to take things slow and keep everything under his careful control, that need was barely contained and constantly threatening to rip at the seams. As he shoved Eren further up on the bed - hands firm and sure, crawling behind him kissing the back of his neck - Eren thought about seeing it finally come loose. He thought about Levi relinquishing that thin veil of control and unraveling like a tightly wound spring. 

Levi flipped him over with ease, always proving how much stronger he was than he looked. He had no such trouble as Eren thought of him, making Eren fall apart. His tongue and trailed down Eren’s stomach, all the way to the downy hairs on his lower abdomen, making promises and threats as he went. Eren would never minded his power. That power was precisely why he chose him. 

When Levi abruptly took Eren in his mouth, he couldn't help the strangled gasp or the involuntary buck of his hips. Levi gave a quiet slap against his hip -- _Too loud. Don't move_. Eren set his jaw and fisted his hands in the sheets, like always. This was Levi's favorite part. He moved slowly up and down Eren's length, just as he liked done to himself. It was torture for Eren, both pleasant and frustrating. It never felt like quite enough. 

Only when he finally decided Eren's suffering was complete, he shifted to his back and pulled Eren on top of him, kissing him and scraping his nails down his back. The next few minutes were jumbled together, a mess of skin and legs and slick oil. Levi was on his back with his legs around Eren's waist, positioning himself so his hips were off the mattress and Eren was poised right at his opening. He didn't let Eren finger him, wanted to skip right to the main course. 

"Go a little hard tonight," he said, 

Eren pursed his lips and nodded. Levi was more riled up than usual. 

The angle was weird. Eren pushed inside Levi with a single thrust. He kept his eyes trained on the man beneath him and watched the part of his lips and the crease of his brow. His eyes shut for a brief moment and his breath stuttered. 

"Does it hurt, sir?" Eren asked. Levi gave him an acidic look. 

"It feels like you fucking _belong_ inside me," he grit out, pain etched on his face despite his words. "Now shut the fuck up." 

Eren held in his smile and sealed his lips. He started moving, sure to keep his gaze centered on Levi below him. He was getting better at controlling himself and maintaining the steady pace that Levi preferred. He was more comfortable with the continuous eye contact. It was becoming normal, comforting and familiar. That was something to hold on to.

"Deeper." 

The bed creaked beneath them. 

"Sir -- Someone might hear." 

A door shut down the hall. 

Levi shushed him and that was that. He'd later figure out that Levi didn't actually care if everyone in the entire Corp knew he was getting laid, so long as no one knew it was _Eren_. So he let the bed creak. 

Levi had a solid grip on his shoulder, nails digging into his arm when he wanted Eren to go harder, faster. Something felt different. Levi came more quickly than usual, visibly agitated he had to continue to lie there with it splattered on his own stomach for those final two minutes until Eren finished. Enjoying the afterglow was something he was never good at.

But Levi followed him straight to bed after washing up that night, not bothering with finalizing any reports. Eren figured everything must have been already set to go, their mission just hours away. They curled up in the usual position. Eren fell asleep quickly. 

Levi roused Eren later, with a firm squeeze to his shoulder. Eren groaned and tried to bury his head deeper in Levi's pillow. It felt too early, their time together too short. Eren didn't know what awaited them outside the walls in only a few hours time. He really wanted to keep sleeping. 

Levi squeezed his shoulder again and Eren forced his eyes open to the dark room. The bed was so warm. He felt heat radiating from Levi behind him. 

"I'm up, I'm up," he said groggily. Maybe he had time for a short nap once he returned to his room. He rolled over onto his other side, trying to seek out Levi's figure in the shadows. 

He was surprised when Levi found him first, kissed him, and his hands all over Eren's bare skin in an instant. In between the insistence of Levi's tongue and the burning trail of his fingers, Eren tried to speak. Levi was really worked up. 

"W-what time is it?" he asked, still thrown off. "Aren't the others going to be up soon?" 

"It's only been two hours since you fell asleep," Levi murmured, his voice vibrating against Eren's throat. He was shifting downward under the blankets, his hand dipping below Eren's waistband. 

Eren's stomach knotted. Levi wasn't normally quite so voracious despite everything. The urgency he’d sensed earlier was heavier, more intense and harder to downplay. He was about to ask Levi what set him off, why he was so hard-up - 

"I want another go," Levi said, like it wasn't obvious. Eren tried to steady his features, but Levi probably couldn't see it in the dark anyway. "Inside you," he added. 

Eren swallowed. That was less obvious. He'd dreamed about Levi fucking him plenty of times so it wasn't exactly a problem, but he felt suddenly nervous under Levi’s expectant stare. It seemed to come out of nowhere. Levi hadn't so much as mentioned it before. 

"Yeah," Eren replied, biting the inside of his cheek. 

Levi starting kissing Eren's chest, fingers feather light and working their way down his back and toward his ass. Eren ran a hand through his hair when he bit against Eren's skin and traced circles with his tongue. Still under the cover of the blanket, the actions felt more private and more contained. It was intimate in a new way. 

Levi shoved is knee between Eren's thighs and pushed his legs apart and Eren held in a whimper. Levi could pull any reaction out of him with such ease. He re-oiled his hands and inched his middle finger closer to Eren's hole. He traced his finger almost delicately around the edge, teasing Eren, biting at his neck, and pressing his groin against Eren's abdomen. 

Eren's mind was already filled with visions of how it was going to happen, how Levi would feel inside him. He thought of how it might hurt, of how much he thought he might like it. Levi could do anything he wanted. 

He maneuvered Eren so he was turned back around and pulled Eren's hips back against his groin. Levi was still dressed in his bedclothes, the soft fabric of his over-sized sweater warm between his chest and Eren's bare back. Eren was always fond of the feel of Levi's skin against his own, but there was something strangely intimate and comfortable about this as well. This wasn't just _his_ Levi, this was the Levi everyone knew. 

He gripped Eren's hips harder and continued to guide him as he rutted against Eren's backside. The room felt smaller in the dark, the hallways silent. They were both serenaded only by the sound of their own breathing. 

"I'm ready." Levi said. lips pressed against his shoulder. 

Eren gave a soft affirmation and Levi sat up on his knees. He pushed Eren back down onto his side when he tried to roll over, and ignored the confused look Eren gave him. He was lifting Eren's leg and then placing it back down. He looked distracted and intent, like he was studying how Eren was pieced together. Like he was deciding how to take Eren apart. 

"Are you scared?" Levi asked. 

"Of you?" 

Levi paused, the silence telling more than his words. Eren tried to steady his breath. He wasn't afraid of Levi, he trusted him and he knew Levi would stop if he asked. That was enough. He nodded and turned his head over his shoulder. He looked at Levi's calm face in the moonlight. Eren wanted no secrets between them. 

Levi remained clothed, only pushed his pants down far enough to expose himself. He squeezed Eren's hip, either a comforting gesture or a means to keep Eren stilled in his position on his side. Levi pushed inside Eren, past the tight ring of muscles, in slow motion. His hand kneaded the flesh of Eren’s thigh uselessly. Eren bit the pillow to keep from crying out. 

There had been so many times in Eren’s life that he truly believed he was going to die. It hurt, like he thought it would but it wasn't excruciating. He felt exposed and helpless. He wanted nothing more than to cry out. He couldn’t remember anything else ever making him feel so alive. 

“Eren.” 

He looked up at Levi, his body shaking and his lungs begging for more air. For that one moment, he saw about a hundred different things in Levi’s eyes. He saw regret, concern, need, and desire. 

He saw fear. 

“I’m fine,” Eren whispered, his voice unsteady. He always heard the questions Levi didn't ask. 

He kissed Eren’s shoulder, starting to move inside him slowly. Eren couldn’t help the sounds that slipped out. Levi didn’t stop them. 

“If you die tomorrow –“ 

Eren buried his face in the pillow as Levi’s pace quickened. Levi never did finish his thought, whatever morbid speech he intended was lost along the way. Eren tried to keep looking up at him, fascinated by the way he moved and the bead of sweat falling down is cheek. Levi wasn’t looking at him for once, eyes downcast at where he pushed in and out of Eren’s body. 

Eren clawed at the bed, occasionally screaming into the sheets. “It’s good,” he murmured in what he hoped was an acceptable volume, “It’s really good.” 

Levi said back, “I know,” and added he wanted Eren to come just like that, that he wasn’t going to touch him. That he wouldn’t let Eren touch himself. 

To Eren’s surprise, it worked. He came faster than he expected – he came on Levi’s bed. After Levi released inside him, he dragged Eren to the bathroom and cleaned him himself. They changed the sheets. They went back to bed. 

Before the morning came, Levi woke Eren again for round three. Then round four. Eren witnessed Levi asleep for the first time sometime early in the morning. 

They were late leaving Levi’s quarters that morning, the sun already up and Levi somehow snuck Eren downstairs without anyone knowing the wiser. They had no breakfast. Levi was acting like himself again. 

Only Eren was exhausted as his horse prodded down the cobblestone street in the morning light. Maybe it was better that way. He felt strangely relaxed - and a little sore. He watched Levi's back, straight and proud, as their procession made its way through town. He glanced to the families and children gathering around to see them out. The moment felt surreal. 

As they reached the gate, Eren glanced to Petra at his side. She'd seemed in a bad mood all morning, which was especially unusual for her. She caught Eren's gaze, a flash of concern in her eyes. "You look tired, Eren. Couldn't sleep?"

On instinct Eren looked at Levi's back ahead of him and then back to Petra, nodding. He felt his face heat up and his hands tightened around the reigns in spite of himself. Her head tilted. She looked toward Levi, then back at Eren. He saw the line of her lips tighten. He saw her eyes go wide. 

Then the gate was opened. She would never have the chance to ask. 

The next few hours would forever remain a blur in Eren's mind. The things he remembered were not always what seemed obvious. Breaking tree limbs. Levi's arm around his waist. Mikasa's voice, distressed and somewhere where Eren couldn't reach her. The dip of a wagon cart beneath his back. A smile. 

_"Captain Levi trusts you enough for that, it seems."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some additional warnings - blindfolds, choking, and sex on the floor. Uh...
> 
> Onward.

The world crumbles in stages.

Eren's face was pressed against Levi's pillow, where it was starting to smell just a little too much like home. Levi himself was pressed against Eren's back, his lips soft on the nape of his neck and his index finger gently tracing down Eren's spine. 

"I always meant to turn you away," he said, his voice harsh despite his quiet tone.

Eren was tired and groggy, so close to drifting off. He murmured an unintelligible response while the words sunk in and he woke enough to be properly offended. 

"Why?" Eren finally asked, his face scrunching into a frown. It was too much trouble to bother opening his eyes, but it was an annoying thing for Levi to say and he willed Levi to somehow read his sour expression or hear the bitterness in his voice. 

Levi kissed his neck again, humming "One day you're going to make me choose."

_________

Eren's eyes shot open, only to be met with brick and mortar. He heard laughter and low voices carrying on from the top of the stairwell outside. He was alone, not in Levi's bed or his own. He was back in the dungeon at Stohess, Military Police officers on guard somewhere outside his cell. They were gracious enough not to chain him down, but they'd made sure to lock the cell door. All for appearances, they said, while grinning like he was their prize. It wasn't that Eren had so much to complain about - Commander Erwin made certain he was comfortable this time - but he was lonely and in a horrible place to be left alone with his thoughts.

Frustrated, he yanked the dingy comforter over his head and cringed at the musty smell. His sensitivity to properly disinfected garments was increasing profoundly and he couldn't help but feel some degree of sickness in his belly. This was his constant reminder of where he was and more importantly where he wasn't.

Even by the time he'd fully woken up and contemplated it, he still didn't understand what Levi had meant the night before, when he started mumbling nonsense about mourning his decision to let Eren into his bed. There was so much going on, Eren wasn't even sure why his mind kept replaying _that_ of all things. 

He was still reeling over Armin's accusation about Annie. It made him angry to think about, like his trust in Armin was being twisted back on himself. He kept thinking about Petra, Gunther, Erd, and even Oluo. Then he remembered he'd never see them again. He thought about how he'd finally faced Levi once they arrived back in town, a memory that weighed more heavily on him than he wanted to admit. 

Levi didn't come to him when they arrived in town and Mikasa was the one who helped him out of the wagon cart, his legs still weak and shaky. Eren watched Levi following Commander Erwin around, not so much as sparing a single glance in Eren's direction. Eren even caught his obvious limp that he was trying so hard not to let on. 

He wondered if this was it, if whatever they had was done. 

Levi eventually met up with him, showered and in a clean change of clothes almost three full hours later, running off the police guard assigned to watch over him in the interim. Eren's immediate response after the clank of the door was a rushed and vehement apology to which he received nothing but a cold stare. Levi sat down on the opposite side of the table like they were at dinner in the dining hall; the squad's respective spaces still saved. Levi acknowledged Eren only after the second apology when Eren had calmed himself enough to keep the appropriate sincerity in his voice though his response was to evade any real confrontation. 

They waited awkwardly for another two hours, in which Levi not once admonished Eren for his lack of hygiene - though surely he smelled awful - so Eren was steadily questioning if they were even any longer friends. Part of him was relieved when Erwin finally showed up with his friends in tow, if only for relief from the excruciating silence brought forth from his own anguish and Levi's chronic nonchalance. Levi and Eren never once shared the same coping mechanisms, but that concern became secondary soon after.

Then they walked him downstairs and he was alone again. 

He knew he should sleep, that in only another day's time, things were going to likely get harder. He could only lie there, twisting and turning, eyes tracing the cracks in the wall that danced in the flickering light. He wasn't tired. In the dark, he hadn't an idea of what time it was, but he assumed it was late after curfew when the voices in the stairwell finally trailed off. The silence that followed was even worse.

Only when he was finally just close to drifting off, he heard the key turn in the doorway. There was a moment of panic and a momentary miscalculation in his whereabouts when he shot up in bed, an odd mixture of emotions flooding him when he saw Levi regarding him oddly in the doorway. He had changed clothes again, which seemed strange at such a late hour. He was wearing a clean, pressed dress shirt and slacks with his polished boots. Eren was beyond confused.

If Levi sensed Eren's bewilderment at the situation, he made no indication and entered the doorway like it were normal for him to make late night visits to locked jail cells. He paused briefly as he approached Eren's bed, glancing purposefully to the chains mounted on the wall behind him, face a ridiculous combination of irritation and wistfulness. 

Eren narrowed his eyes, letting himself play into Levi's feigned normality. For a moment, nothing hurt. "Please tell me you're not serious." 

Levi sighed, visibly dejected. "I don't have that key." 

Eren rolled his eyes, "What a shame."

"Oh, it is." Levi admonished as he climbed on the mattress, hands moving to instantly tug up the hem of Eren's shirt and start kissing the base of his neck, clearly not in the mood to waste any time. He might have appreciated that it was the first time Levi had come to him, if there hadn't been so many other things swirling around in his mind. 

Levi was acting unnaturally normal, like they were back at the castle and in Levi's bed, and as though they weren't in a dark MP prison cell illuminated by a single torch outside the doorway. Levi's behavior sometimes surpassed weird and became nothing short of unnerving. Eren awkwardly gripped at his shoulders, not wanting to push him away but torn between feeling relieved and uneasy about the sudden change of pace. He wanted to ask how Levi got his hands on a key and why he was dressed like he was heading to a formal dinner in the dead of night. He wanted to ask about his injury and why he was traversing through an almost empty dungeon. He wanted to ask if this was even a good idea, with a transparent doorway and Military Police on duty somewhere in the building. 

Eren's fingers instinctively tightened around Levi's shoulders and he stopped, his mouth barely on on the edge of Eren's ear. "What's wrong?"

It was only amid the aggressive kisses and urgent roaming fingertips, that Eren realized with a sharp stab of pain that somehow this _was_ normal for Levi, that losing an entire squad in a single day wasn't a tragedy. It was more business as usual and Levi had no idea that this was all new for Eren; tossing and turning in his bed, wishing he was in another place, another time. Eren understood finally, just a little. 

He swallowed, sliding his hands over Levi's shoulders and around his back. He felt Levi stiffen under his insistent touch but he wasn't deterred, keeping Levi contained in his arms and burying his face in the crook of his neck. His hair was damp and his skin heavy with the scent of fresh soap, obviously granted access to the Military Police showers again though Eren was vehemently denied and allotted only two pails of lukewarm water and cheap, bar soap. 

Levi stayed perfectly still and the room went silent, the laughter that had been echoing down the stairwell earlier that evening long gone. Eren still wasn't sure how long it had been.

Levi didn't move or say a word until Eren resumed where he left off, moving his hands down Levi's spine to press into the small of his back. Levi stayed still and let Eren pull out the hem of his dress shirt. More and more Levi was relinquishing that careful control so Eren took it in slowly, cautiously. If he was bothered that Levi wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, then Eren was burying it as deep as he could; he decided he wanted the distraction, for Levi to be his only concern, if just for a while.

When Eren initiated another kiss, Levi allowed him, letting him deepen it, always more passionate than sweet, because there was no sweetness in their world. Eren was no longer afraid someone was going to come downstairs to check on them. Their enemies felt too far away to matter when he and Levi were tangled together. He suspected Levi felt the same way.

"Get out of bed," Levi murmured between kisses. 

Eren tried to focus on why Levi's words felt so illogical, the obvious being that Levi was on top of him and the lesser being they were just getting started. He wasn't sure what was going on, especially since Levi was still touching him, his fingers rubbing circles through the fabric of his pants, up and down his thighs. He helped Eren out of his shirt and then carefully removed his pants, leaving Eren clad only in his boxers, fighting off the chill of the cell.

He wondered if Levi had been fantasizing about this since that first night when they approached him and Levi watched him through the other side of the barred doorway. The thought warmed Eren through the cold and he let Levi coax him off the blankets so he could be easily maneuvered toward the far wall, leaving his back flush against the cool brick as Levi lightly traced his fingers over his ribs. It clicked with Eren that they were out of eyesight of the stairwell, hidden in shadow from the torchlight. Apparently Levi was concerned about the guards returning as well.

"Sir, I -" 

"Quiet," Levi chastised, bringing his touch all the way up Eren's chest to toy with his nipples. 

Eren had grown accustomed to letting Levi set the rules and the rigid limits to their relationship, but something had been bothering him since the night before. Eren wanted to know if he could do more, if he was even reading Levi correctly.

He sighed, "Do you - does it really feel good to you when I -" Eren wasn't sure how to approach the topic and Levi was pointedly ignoring him, all of his intent on making Eren squirm and lose his focus. He sighed again, trying to ignore the sensations caused by Levi's hands on his chest. He spoke louder, hoping both to grab Levi's attention and hide his own embarrassment. "The other night, when we - when you were doing me, I couldn't keep quiet or stay still." 

"You liked that better that way?" Levi pressed his hips against Eren's groin and bit softly at the base of his neck. 

"Y-yes," Eren whimpered, "I mean no. Maybe. No, I - that's not what I was getting at." 

Levi pushed his leg between Eren's knees and brought his hands back down to his hips, continuing about his actions as though they weren't having a conversation. He couldn't hide his impatience, "Then what the hell are you saying?"

"You never make any noise," Levi was pressing harder against him, "It's like you're always bored," Eren managed. 

Levi stopped and met Eren's gaze. He raised an eyebrow, his look more cunning than curious, and tilted Eren's head so he was speaking against his ear. "Then try harder." 

Eren's gut pinched with anticipation even though he knew the comment was meant to insult him, a clear implication that Eren was repeatedly failing to please him properly. Eren wanted to be incised at the dig, but his body was responding only to Levi's breath as it ghosted across his skin, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He knew Levi was toying with him like cat pawing at it's prey, reveling in the sound of Eren's pounding heart. His words were only fire prickling the gooseflesh spreading down Eren's spine, the sting making him bold. 

There was a silent suggestion hanging in the narrow space between them that Levi's every intention was meant to rile him up and Levi always knew exactly how to press all the right buttons, sometimes understanding Eren better than Eren understood himself. His words were an invitation, a quiet permission for Eren to do as he would. Without needing any further encouragement, Eren moved on him, twisting his torso and grabbing Levi's shoulder, searching for Levi's lips and trying to flip their positions. He was naturally horribly off the mark with his efforts. 

Levi retaliated without hesitation, wedging his boot between Eren's legs and easily knocking him down to his knees. He flipped and shoved Eren's front against the brick wall, dug his knee in the space between Eren's shoulder blades and grappled with a fistful of his hair. Levi's movements were swift, aggressive, and purposeful. Eren had never before been more delighted to play into such an obvious trap. 

"Say something if I get too rough," he ordered, his voice firm but restless in that way it always became when he was most aroused. This was Levi teetering on the edge; this was Levi exactly where Eren wanted him. So, he gave a tight nod and the heat was already pooling in his belly and the blood rushing straight to his groin. 

"Oi." Levi's knee pressed harder against his back, making it clear he expected an answer. 

Eren turned his gaze up to him, wholly unable to hide his wry smile. He kept his cheek planted firmly against the wood paneled wall, breathing heavy with the sudden adrenaline surge at Levi's expectant glare. "Yes, sir," he panted. 

In the dim light, Eren saw him grin.

There were a lot of things in Eren's life that surprised him, things that horrified him, and so many things that confused him, but he wasn't sure if he'd ever felt something quite so thrilling as he did when Levi looked at him in that single moment. Levi's smile was far more eerie than endearing, but weirdly arousing for reasons Eren was only just beginning to understand. He didn't look smug or arrogant; he looked outright sadistic, like getting Eren on his knees was the single most exhilarating thing he'd ever accomplished. 

His knee left Eren's back and he pulled Eren's head back, exposing his throat and leaning down to kiss him hard. Eren seized the opportunity and looped his finger through Levi's belt loop, the same way Levi had done the night before. It was as though one day had made all the difference in Eren's confidence, their relationship continuing to shift out of Levi's careful control. He gave more ground to Eren each waking hour, as though the distance between them earlier that very afternoon had never even existed. 

He tugged Levi's hips forward, just far enough he could land his lips against Levi's clothed erection. Levi's fingers remained tangled in Eren's hair tentatively, ready to pull him off at any point. He brought his hands up to unclasp Levi's belt but his hands were stubbornly swatted away. When Eren persisted, Levi crouched down to remove himself from Eren's wandering hands and held Eren tightly against the wall. 

Levi slowed their movements back down and kissed the nape of his neck. He bit down on the flesh just by his shoulder hard enough to break the skin, and Eren's heart started to race. "Sir - What If I -" 

"What?" Levi drawled, behind him. "Transform? Don't be stupid."

Eren rested his forehead back against the brick with his head between his arms as Levi set back to his effort to bring Eren to the brink with heavy touches and hot breath. Eren wasn't sure he had much control of his transformations at all, but it sounded like Levi thought he did, so Eren stayed silent. He didn't know what would happen if ever did transform - not just around Levi, but around anyone he cared about - but he didn't want to think about that. He kept reminding himself that Levi trusted him, however misguided. 

He instead thought about what Levi was doing to him. This was something other than death, betrayal, and the end of the world. He wanted to exist only in those silent conversations with his Captain that were scattered like pieces of broken glass in the crevices between the more defining moments of his life. These fading memories were the ones he wanted to hold onto but were always the hardest to keep in his hand.

He turned his head to look up at Levi again as he stood behind him, watching Levi loosen his cravat and then tug it off, his other hand tangled back in Eren's hair. He wordlessly tied the fabric over Eren's eyes, leaving him completely blind in the dim room. His pulse quickened and Levi grabbed and repositioned him so his back was flat against the wall. Levi's firm grip planted on his shoulder to hold him securely against the brick and Eren felt shaky from excitement, breathing heavy, and scrambling his heels on the floor as he rearranged himself so he was sitting a little more comfortably on the cold ground. Levi seemed strangely unconcerned about his sitting flat on the dusty stone. 

He nudged Eren's legs apart with his boots where he stood between Eren's knees. "Touch yourself," he commanded.  
He clumsily rubbed himself through his boxers, already so obviously hard against the thin fabric and aroused even more from the authority in Levi's voice. He barely even registered Levi's responding hum of approval, so happy to finally relieve some of his own tension. It was always thrilling to be reminded that Levi liked this too though. 

Eren kept the movements of his palm controlled, the way he knew Levi liked it when he was the one being touched, and not how he'd do it if he were alone. This was a show and he was very aware of his audience. 

"Let me see," Levi added. 

Eren obliged with shaky hands, shimmying his boxers down just far enough to expose himself. He wondered what expression Levi was wearing, the mystery allowing him to create any number of emotions flitting across Levi's features. He imagined Levi looking down on him with his normal passivity, the face Eren knew so well to be false in every regard, but the face he shared with everyone. He imagined the severity of his features when he was on a real expedition, the smell of grass beneath them rather than hard stone. 

He didn't even realize Levi had crouched back down in front of him until his hands carefully pushed Eren's knees further apart. The element of surprise came at him hard, his vision impaired and completely unaware of where Levi would touch him next. Levi's mouth landed on his thigh just beneath the juncture of his knee and his breath hitched, the steady speed of his hand faltering when Levi bit into his skin. 

He fought the urge to speed up the movement of his hand, knowing without even seeing it in his eyes how Levi wanted him to take his time. He felt Levi leaning into him, the brush of his dress shirt across Eren's bare chest. Levi's left hand landed in Eren's hair with his right still gripping Eren's knee. Eren whimpered when Levi pulled harder at the handful of his hair, knowing Levi was staring at his face, his slack jaw, and that he could feel Eren's breath on his lips.

He didn't speak, he never needed to, and Eren didn't even need to see. He felt himself getting closer, the feel of his hand secondary to Levi's proximity and the need for Levi to touch him more. His free hand came up to grip Levi's hand still perched on his knee and Levi answered by pressing their lips together. Eren moaned, sliding his thumb over the tip -

Levi grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand off, trading Eren's sigh to a wail of frustration. He dipped his head down and nipped at one of Eren's nipple, then circling his tongue over the swollen flesh. Eren growled, trying to move his hips but meeting no friction where Levi kept himself and Eren's hands held out of reach. He led Eren's hand back down only when his breath started to calm, his arousal needing to be built back up all over again. 

This time Levi backed off, frigid air replacing the space where Levi had been touching him moments earlier. He could feel Levi's touch only where his hands gripped at Eren's knees, making sure Eren's efforts remained on full display. It was a shock when he suddenly felt Levi's tongue on the head of his cock, moving up and down in conjunction with his hand.

When Eren's moans grew loud, Levi once again swatted his hand away and gripped the base of his length and Eren outright whimpered - a sad and pathetic sound. He kissed Eren in what could only be an insincere apology. Eren bit his bottom lip, partly out of spite and Levi bit back. 

They were getting nowhere. 

"When we're done here, I want you to do something very specific for me," Levi said when he pulled away.

Eren nodded, his breath still coming in short bursts and his body trembling. He hadn't the faintest idea what Levi was referring to but he was excited for it regardless. He figured there wasn't much Levi could ask of him that he wouldn't do.

He ordered Eren to start over again and his own hands were back busying themselves along Eren's abdomen, up his chest, and one hand brushing across Eren's neck. His fingers pressed against his pulse just below his jaw, the way he'd done a dozen times before. Eren increased the pace as he pumped himself, his mouth open and his free hand grappling with crevices in the stone floor. 

"Hold onto my hand," Levi said and Eren didn't understand. Levi folded Eren's free hand around his wrist where he gripped beneath Eren's jaw. "Let go if you want me to stop." 

Eren realized somewhat belatedly - as Levi's fingers were already tightening around his throat - that Levi was actually going to choke him this time. It wasn't a question of trust, because by that point Eren trusted and believed in Levi with little question. He believed in Levi's strength, his drive, and in his humanity. He very well knew his way around Levi's barely contained violence, so fear was not even a factor. It was a new revelation though, a new step, a new experience.

When his chest stung, his eyesight all but forgotten, and his moans lost somewhere in the middle, the world started to fade out. Levi replaced Eren's hand, pumping him with renewed vigor when Eren's pace faltered amid his haze. He was struggling against Levi but praying that Levi didn't stop, not for anything. He was losing his grip on everything and nothing had ever felt better. There was a disturbing revelation in the midst of it that the feeling was eerily similar to being in his titan form, but it was a long time still before he'd ever admit it to Levi - a long time still until he'd show Levi how it felt.

Right then, Levi let go. 

Eren sucked in all the air he could, his lungs burning and the pain welcome, every nerve on his body screaming at him. But he hadn't come. He was still grappling with consciousness, slowly understanding both of his hands were locked on Levi's wrist and his nails digging into Levi's skin. He felt Levi hovering just in front of him. 

"Are you mad?" he asked in a mocking tone.

Eren tried to answer but he couldn't seem to find his tongue. He was dizzy and confused, still painfully aroused, and he supposed he was perhaps just a little angry, so he grit his teeth. Levi made a quiet but playful sound and lifted the fabric off his eyes and kissed his brow, that tenderness that came and went lingering again at such a strange time. He pulled out the vial of oil from his pocket, clearly prepared for what was always his intention in coming to see Eren. He placed it in Eren's palm, one more kiss on the lips. 

"Get behind me," he whispered. 

Eren felt weak and groggy but he was nothing if not determined. He let Levi position himself on his hands and knees so Eren finally unclasped his pants and pushed them down his thighs to his bent knees. He lifted up Levi's shirt and set to work, trailing kisses down Levi's spine, in awe of how he relaxed beneath Eren's touch. In spite of the dusty floor, he comfortably laid his head on his forearm and spread open is knees and asked Eren to keep going. 

Though Levi was never one to go out and say exactly what he meant, Eren knew it was pretty clear what Levi wanted him to do. He massaged up Levi's bare thighs and cupped the flesh his buttocks with both hands, continuing on his means to relax him. After spreading Levi's thighs an acceptable distance, Eren pushed in a lubricated finger. He kept his mouth on the space at the base of Levi's spine, nipping and kissing in response to every muted sigh that escaped Levi's lips. 

Encouraged, Eren moved further down and ran his tongue just inside Levi's hole, tasting only the lubricant on his tongue. He was half-worried he'd misread the situation because while he'd heard, he wasn't completely certain this something people actually did. His fears were quickly quelled to the long breathy moan Levi let slip and Eren grew bolder still. He alternated the work with his tongue with that of his finger, sliding in a second and pressing against Levi's prostate. Even Eren sensed he'd possibly garnered more control than Levi intended. He was trembling, just a little, thighs shaking against Eren's palms, and Eren enjoyed every second of it. 

It was only when Eren reached a hand around his front to stroke him that Levi took back charge by grabbing Eren's hand and pulling him over his back. His cock still aching and desperate from Levi's teasing, Eren was not in a position to argue. He slid inside Levi more easily than usual, trying extra hard to steady himself on account of his sensitivity. He gripped at Levi's hips and was chastised for moving too fast. Eren was determined to make it last, knowing Levi wanted that of him and things were going so well Eren wouldn't let him down. Eren's fingers bruised Levi's skin and Eren's sounds were equal parts pleasure and frustration as he tried to keep himself from going over the edge. Thankfully, they were alone in the empty space, no bedrooms next door to be wary of, but plenty of room for the sounds to echo.

Eren thought he heard Levi ask him to go harder, and it was too much. There was gravel in Levi's voice and he was arching his back, maneuvering his hips to help Eren along; Levi always knew how to get the most of their positions. Eren's orgasm hit him hard and he was shouting half-sincere apologies for coming first yet again and Levi simply demanded _more_. Levi always made Eren keep at it until he came or Eren went completely soft, whichever happened first.

That night, Levi came. He released across Eren's hand and the floor and Eren helped make sure Levi's clothing was pushed out of the way, though there was little Eren could do about his own mess that had trickled down Levi's thighs and onto his belt and slacks. As always, Levi was up and about quickly, doing the best he could to clean himself up before he pulled his clothing back on. His face was almost comically distressed, brushing off his sleeves and only afterward cringing at the stickiness that stained his waistband. It was as though he'd only just realized he chose to have sex on the floor. 

Eren tried not to laugh. 

Levi stayed with him for a brief while after moving him back to the bed, muttering complaints about Eren's insufficient bathing supplies but sitting on his bedside anyway. His hand landed on Eren's head to brush away his bangs before he hurried upstairs. The fact that Levi stayed at all despite his obvious discomfort meant quite a lot so he tried not to be disappointed to be left alone once again. He only wished Levi had stayed longer because once the haze of his orgasm faded away, reality came crashing back down him hard. He remembered where he was and why he was there. 

Only then did the tears fall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers up to chapter 52 but some minor changes to canon start in this chapter… please just go with it. We'll diverge completely once we get to chapter 55 or so.

Sometimes Eren thought himself invincible. Even he was willing to admit this flaw in his most sober moments. He hated that he ever needed protection, but was forced to face the undeniable reality that he did time after time. For all the effort he put into everything and all the faith he placed in the people around him, they were losing. 

It didn’t end amid the battered buildings and rummaged streets of Stohess, nor did it end in the underground cavern where they kept Annie’s imprisoned body. It didn’t end when Eren looked square into Reiner’s eyes or listened to Ymir’s bullshit reasoning. It didn’t end when they were left for dead or when tears fell from Mikasa's eyes. 

It just didn't end.

In the Corp, Eren's life seemed to drift between extremes. They stripped him from his friends and sent him to a castle in the middle of nowhere to live with strangers who could not trust him. He trudged on because the only direction was forward. He found solace where he could.

He didn't mean to fall in love.

Then he was taken again, tucked away in another forgotten, hollow place. They reunited him with the friends he still loved but somehow hardly knew. He couldn't say why he was lonely or why he was scared. He couldn't tell them he missed his Captain or why there was such a rift between them.

Eren carried things with him he could not share. They didn't understand.

Everyone treated him like he was someone special and less and less like a doctor's son from a poor village. 

Their cabin was a day's walk from the road, resting past fields and hidden in a snug meadow behind the thick woods. There were crops of cabbage and onion nearby but their wagon was full of bread and cheese. It was bright and sunny from the day Eren arrived which made it even more painful to think about everything that had gone wrong. They suspected the Military Police or even mercenaries lurked in the woods backed up against their land just waiting to claim Eren's head. 

Levi was a mess. 

Hange's squad accompanied Eren to the cabin first and Levi met up with them late that evening. He spoke faster than usual and his hands were always moving, making Eren nervous for him. They didn't touch or talk about anything other than official business. He'd been hurried, only setting things in order before leaving again. It was time for life to move on he'd muttered a few times to Hange, who seemed alarmingly distressed by his behavior. 

"You can handle things until I'm back, right." he said to Eren. His tone was impatient but casual, the words again not sounding like a question. 

He dropped the details of their new arrangement on the nightstand next to Eren's bed, tapping his foot until Eren nodded in agreement. He didn't offer any explanation or rationale for his choices, Eren only seeing his friends' names when he opened the file after Levi's departure.

It was obvious that whatever barriers Eren managed to wiggle through in the previous months were closing in. The whole process was too mechanical, too impersonal. Eren hoped that it would pass quickly but Levi remained anxious, unpredictable, and unreasonable. He wasn't sleeping or eating and the smallest things set him off. Eren was desperate to fix it but he was certain that nothing short of growing the Commander a new arm was going to make Levi feel any better.

Eren struggled to do what he could. He did his best to make the cabin suitable for Levi in the following days which was a continuous uphill battle with the company he kept. The somber mood that stuck to Eren like moss on the trees outside, was nothing to the others. Even after watching neighborhoods in Stohess burn to the ground, they still found time to goof off and act like nothing was wrong. Eren supposed there was respect in that but he needed a purpose to keep those thoughts at bay. 

The others were all gathered outside when Levi eventually returned. Eren remained indoors as he fought to finish scrubbing the bathroom floor, desperate to make up his lost time while the others contemplated their dinner menu. The cabin was still a mess.

Eren paused when the banter suddenly died, waiting for the creak of the door that followed. Waiting was always the worst. He could only hope Levi wasn't too upset. This was the least Eren could do.

It was his fault everything had happened. If only he was able to --

Levi was already standing in the washroom doorway when Eren looked up, arms folded over his chest, staring him down. Eren's heart raced, both in relief and worry. He tossed the wash cloth back in the tub of water and moved to stand. 

An odd expression crossed Levi's face, like he wanted to be mad but it just wouldn't stick. It was a face Eren was growing accustomed to as time progressed. The atmosphere was peaceful then, and Levi stepped forward. He was unguarded, the way he acted without thinking, touching Eren casually in an open room -- something he'd never done before. He caught himself just as their lips touched and Eren felt him hesitate, making the fleeting sensation linger.

The movement was just so fluid, _natural_. When he pulled away Eren saw the rose tint of his cheeks. Eren knew he hadn't meant to do that.

“Hey,” Eren whispered, peeling off his gloves. There were a hundred other things that needed to be said -- all that Eren had contemplated well into the night each day since leaving Stohess -- but Eren could think of none when Levi was there. He always forgot the things that were most important.

Levi studied him and tenderness was gone as soon as it came, relief evolving into something else. Levi shut the door and stepped toward him, one hand landing in Eren's hair and the other tugging at his own belts. 

Eren’s eyes widened, “Sir, the others-”

Levi crouched down and cut him off with a proper kiss, dropping his hand to Eren’s crotch. “I put them to work,” he said, “We’re safe.”

"But," Eren tried to protest, "Won't it be a problem if -"

"Do you want me to fuck you or not?" Levi asked, exasperated.

It was that hidden restlessness that Eren loved so much. He grinned and let Levi close in on him, both tugging at each others clothing like their time was running out. 

Levi's hands ran under his shirt and back down to his ass, pulling the waistband of his pants down just enough. Neither of them bothered to undress, Levi positioning Eren where he wanted him, his arms folded over the counter and hips pulled backward. He oiled his hands, proof he'd been planning to have Eren the moment he walked in the door, and slid a finger inside.

Eren's body became fire, like he was back in Levi's bed the night before the expedition. He whined and squirmed until Levi pushed inside him and filled him up. He scratched the slick tiled countertop, controlling the sounds he made as best he could. Levi's fingers dug into his skin, helping him move at the right speed. He came almost as soon as Levi reached around to stroke him. He messed up the freshly polished floor and Levi followed soon after.

Levi so often was dead silent when he reached his peak. That day, in their rushed liaison that held little comparison to the endless nights they spent together -- Levi apologized. Eren's mind was far too hazy to piece together why or what for, but something ominous tugged at his chest. His mind reeled as he caught his breath, Levi still panting behind him.

The room became cold and the light from the window grew faint. When Eren maneuvered out of Levi's grip to pull his clothing back into place, he realized how deep the lines ran on Levi's face, as though he'd never seen them before. Levi stared into space, somewhere past Eren at nothing. There was no joy in his eyes.

"Levi, are you --" Eren started.

"Get out," Levi interrupted, tone sharp. Eren recoiled but didn't leave the room, legs somehow bolted to the ground. He stood wide-eyed and still until Levi stiffened and met his gaze. He watched Levi's face grow tight before he visibly relaxed, fatigue replacing the fury. "I need to take a shit. Get out."

Eren frowned, but nodded. He knew Levi well enough by then to know something was very wrong, though it was neither the time nor place to press the subject.

With a deep breath, Eren slipped out the door, leaving Levi alone once again. He turned the corner too fast.

Though they never spoke about it, Eren was certain he and Levi were found out when he walked out of the washroom that day. Levi could put himself together quick, his clothing crisp and face cool. Eren walked out still adjusting his tunic, hair mussed, and skin warm. He was acutely aware of his sweat and the fluid remaining between his legs. His voice felt raw and skin still tingled.

Mikasa walked into the front doorway just as he turned down the hallway, pausing when she caught sight of Eren. She flipped her head side to side, searching for Levi. Eren froze. 

"He's in the bathroom," he offered, two seconds too late. He knew he sounded more nervous than he should and he ran a hand through his hair. "I just finished cleaning."

Mikasa didn’t say anything, though she looked like she wanted to – like she needed to. They stood in an awkward stalemate, but she only pursed her lips and stiffened, the unasked question hanging in the air between them. She kept her eyes trained on him for a long minute and pulled her scarf above her mouth, conceding defeat. Eren remained rooted in place as she walked in and stood before him, stopping to smooth out his clothes. 

“You’d tell me if something was wrong?” she murmured, eyes downcast while she fiddled with the ties on Eren’s tunic. Her tone suggested she didn’t believe Eren would.

Eren could not look at her. “Yeah,” he answered, annoyed. “Everything’s fine.”

She paused again and glanced up. He could tell she was reading his features, trying to gage his answer. He was worried of what storm might come next, but she only nodded and squeezed his shoulder, a silent acceptance, denial, or trust. Eren didn't know.  
They never spoke about it again.

The dinner that followed was tense. Everyone was nervous around Levi, except for Mikasa who went out of her way to glare at him throughout the meal. Krista -- _Historia_ \-- was reluctant to speak until Levi finally badgered her enough to divulge what she knew. The whole affair was nothing short of uncomfortable.

Afterward, Sasha kept retelling the story of how Levi caught Jean pissing in the shrubs out back when he arrived, and how it was a tragedy that Eren missed it because Levi laid into him so hard. 

“The _Fuck_ ,” She teetered, giggling between each word, “do you think you’re doing?” 

It was decidedly the worst impression of Levi Eren had ever heard, and he’d spent more than a month with Oluo. The others seemed amused, only shushing each other when Levi walked into the room, as though it wasn’t obvious they were talking about him.

Levi, for his part, was more patient than anyone gave him credit for. He just frowned and kept quiet, making Eren feel guiltier than he should. Levi put up with a lot.

But things didn’t improve when Levi situated himself in the same bedroom shared by the rest of the squad. It grew worse when Hange's squad crammed in on top of them. There was no privacy and barely any quiet. 

It wasn't just about sex. Eren missed touching Levi's hair at night and listening to him complain about meaningless things. He missed the quiet evenings where he waited for Levi to finish his paperwork, cicadas buzzing through an open window. He missed --

Eren told himself he wasn't going to think about the squad. 

Levi took it harder. He disappeared the day after he arrived, late in the afternoon. Eren sought him out, avoiding the questioning stares the best he could. 

He found Levi sitting in the grass atop his mantle, just beyond sight of the cabin, cleaning his gear. Eren stopped and watched the wind tousle his hair. He'd taken off his shoes, oddly relaxed where he sat, wearing a shirt that looked two sizes too big and the pressed black slacks he'd worn all week. 

He didn't look up when Eren approached. "You should go back to the cabin," he called when Eren drew close.

Eren ignored Levi's words and sat down next to him, resting his arms on his knees. He watched Levi scrub the grime from his gear, letting himself unwind. He figured Levi must have hated being being stuck with them.

“I’m sorry about... how they are,” Eren muttered.

Levi looked at him with a pained face that Eren wouldn’t understand for a many months to come. He divulged his life to Eren in pieces, holding on to each one like a child gripping his favorite toy. Making him share was never easy. Eren was only just learning.

Levi sighed, “It’s fine.” 

He didn't ask Eren to leave again, despite whatever could lurk in the tree-line. Their lives were meaningless unless they ignored reason once and again. 

Eren shifted closer to him. He kissed his shoulder and laid a hand on his thigh. Levi stayed quiet and didn't respond. Eren had never instigated their intimacy, not like this, but he was growing bolder in Levi's presence. 

It was becoming more and more obvious that Levi wanted Eren to challenge him. He didn't know if Levi was priming him or simply desired was the thrill of being able to take that control back. There was no doubt Levi had rigid parameters in mind, an exact calculation of how much power he would grant and exactly how he would get it back when the time came. 

Eren wasn’t even sure if Levi knew.

But Levi didn’t stop him when Eren crawled behind him and pressed his lips to the back of his neck. He toyed with the hem of his shirt before sliding a hand upward, gliding his fingertips gliding over Levi's ribs and chest, grazing each nipple. Levi still diligently scrubbed at the grooves in his disassembled gear, but Eren felt him shiver.

"What's next?" Eren breathed into his ear. He settled more closely against him, placing his legs on either side of Levi's hips, and bringing his other hand to join the exploration of Levi's skin under his shirt. 

Levi made a soft noise, arching his back against Eren's chest. "I'll talk to Hange. Convince everyone to move out. You don't want to stick around here, do you?"

"Mm. No," Eren replied placing a wet kiss to Levi's neck, "Boring here."

Peaceful. Quiet. 

He could feel Levi's shallow breath as his chest moved, but he still focused on his damn gear. Eren pulled him closer, making sure Levi felt how hard he was, pressing into the base of his back. He moved one hand over his chest and down the sides of his stomach, tracing the scars imbedded on his skin. It was the lines Eren had seen too many times to count, sharp edges seared across his chest and down his legs. It was where the leathers cut him through years of use.

It wasn't normal. Eren saw the bruising on Mikasa, who used her gear as rough and hard as Levi, but nothing like what was surely open wounds when fresh. Eren asked him once, to which he only offered that his first set wasn't sized quite right. Eren didn't understand that at all since the military was so quick to replace his own gear when it proved faulty. Wounds like that would have bloodied Levi's whole body, down to his feet. 

But he'd answered in that tone that shut Eren out.

"I believe you can do it," Levi said.

Eren stopped, thrown off from his thoughts. They had already talked excessively about Eren using whatever power Annie did in Stohess to board up Wall Maria. Levi had looked skeptical throughout the conversation. 

"Yeah?" Eren answered, continuing his quest down Levi's abdomen, fingers traveling south until he dipped below his waistband. Eren cupped his erection, nipping at his ear. 

Levi finally tossed down his gear, leaned back and tucked his face against Eren's neck. "Yeah," he drew out, "You're damn good at everything you do."

Eren smiled and stroked Levi until he panted. It was weird in the afternoon sun, out in the open, to see Levi's face in the bright light. He grabbed a fistful of Eren's hair and buried his nose in the crook of his neck. 

Something was off, even if it wasn't unpleasant. Levi wasn't looking, wasn't watching. He was breathing heavier than normal, body moving along with the flick of Eren's wrist. For the first time, he was at Eren's mercy, like the power of the calm afternoon sun overtook him.

Eren continued the motion of his hand and chewed his lip, "Is something wrong?"

Levi pulled harder at his hair, forcing Eren's head until he could reach his lips. Their teeth knocked together, both too involved for their own good. Neither of them were ever any good at kissing.

Levi didn't answer, only showed that he wanted Eren to touch him still.

It could have been a demonstration of trust, the way Levi made a show of how he surrendered to Eren that day. He'd told Eren once he was good at pretending, but Eren hadn't known what he meant. Levi's soul was genuine, even the parts that were ugly.

He didn't now how long they'd been out there, but he worked Levi with his hand until Levi's head lulled back against his shoulder. He mumbled against Eren's thoat, words Eren couldn't understand. 

They ended up on the ground, struggling with each other's limbs. Levi broke off Eren's kiss and begged Eren to fuck him, there where anyone could find them. Eren didn't know what spurred Levi on, but he had no oil. Levi didn't care, said he _wanted_ Eren to hurt him. 

Something wasn't right.

Eren knew. Something.

He disobeyed Levi. He finished him off with his mouth.

Levi went silent. He didn't move. His arm covered his face and Eren curled up next to him, cheek warmed by the wool of Levi's mantle beneath them and breath cascading down Levi's neck. He smelled the musk from Levi's skin, wind tossing his hair. Eren did not mind that Levi didn't bother with helping him finish, but it was the first time. Levi usually put Eren's pleasure above his own.

He relaxed anyway, enjoying the warm air around them, until Levi removed the arm from over is eyes and Eren glanced at him, hoping he'd see contentment or calm. Levi was still. His eyes were half-lidded and staring at the sky. He looked young, but unhappy.

Miserable.

Eren bit his lip, but thought of no words. They stayed like that until the sun started to fade and the birds quieted down. Levi was the one to break the quiet, hurrying Eren along as he dressed himself. His voice was normal when they left, the remnants of his silence buried. Eren's mind was in turmoil.

_______________________________

The following day, they were approved to perform the experiment. If Eren could crystalize, Wall Maria could be theirs. They were due some good fortune and Eren was determined. He made himself believe.

Everyone was counting on him. 

The experiment was a disaster. 

He didn't remember what happened. But somewhere in the blur he remembered Levi's face. 

He looked broken. Torn. Beaten. Ashamed.

Eren slept.


End file.
